worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
