i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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