I only kidnapped one of them. chill
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize