they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
