just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
that is very illegal...i love you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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