he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
