Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
