WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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