I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
