We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I have peed in a lot of sinks
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
