Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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