i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
