What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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