I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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