Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
