I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
