If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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