I need help removing her.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
