Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize