Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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