The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Even my vagina gasped.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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