Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize