You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
