we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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