It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
there is glitter all over my balls
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