Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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