I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
