I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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