Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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