I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
