I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
