I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
