Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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