we're chasing vodka with high fives
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize