I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
