i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
