i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
