she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
