idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
