Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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