Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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