Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
