woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
