this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
