He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize