I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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