i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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