Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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