i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
