3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
