My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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