im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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