She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
