Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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