the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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