I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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