i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize