I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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