Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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