i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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