Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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