She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
