we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
