her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize