singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you have to choose: penises or morals?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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