One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
