I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
tell me about the fingering
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