he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize