there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
