Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
