Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
