girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
