She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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