Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My penis needs a shock collar
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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