I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
