census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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