is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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