Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
