and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize