I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
