we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
