You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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