ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
