Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
