i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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