girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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