She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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