You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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