my vag is so smooth its legendary
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
nutella sex= disaster
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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