Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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