I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
